Without

Without a doubt I loved him dearly
I let him swoon my emotion
Because he only made me happy
Now all I do is worry
If my love is or was ever good enough
To make us happy all over again
Seems like only thing we'd be down for now is to commit sin
And from that I chose to hold on
Reenacting my past where I thought for too long that
A love would lather again
Letting it go, being let go, moving forward
Another splinter across the surface
Thank God for no punctures
Cuz ain't nobody got time for that
Still, there is no physical pain to match

Am i Crazy

I've never been proposed to by a guy himself. . . but his mother on the other hand? his parents?.. I'd say about five times. . 

Whether the proposal  was about marriage or being with the guy in a committed relationship, it's happened.

It's crazy because out of the five proposals majority of these guys were simply friends..

This worries me a little because I'm thinking, will the guy-who-i-actually-want-to-be-with's mother accept me?? will we get along?

It's a bit early to discuss marriage, but this is the time of your life when you start dating a little heavier, and building stronger relationships that have substance.

To be honest I've never really gotten out there and dated like that.

I be on that wifey ish if it feels right.

Outside of dating i can honestly say that i come off a bit strong

My friends tell me that i need to learn to fall back more, and let me explain:

I am not a pushover, never have been, never will be.

I'll respect my man in all his decisions, agreeing with them though? There are going to be some times when we just don't see eye to eye but i know my place in a sturdy relationship. 

I can't deny he fact that i also find it a bit attractive that a man can bend me. Not bend me over, but bend my train of thought. I love a little competition also. Hell, challenge me! It's attractive to stand your ground a propose another idea. I like to push people and i guess that's where my faults lay.

I just want a strong, solid man.

And for a moment, I'd found one. He's one of my closest friends now and i love em for that. 

All my guy friends that are close to me are ttremendously strong in their individually similar ways. They've been through so much and are the reasons i recognize a good firm man when i see one.

I'm just hoping a good firm man will recognize this strong and hustling woman when he sees me...

till then. .

previously noted

my thing is this

have no regrets because every move in life got you to where you are

whether youre happy or not, depends on what moves youve taken, or need to take

risks are worth taking.

stuck in this imitation world,
the "never fit in" girl
this is who I AM
accepting it should be the hardest thing ever done
im lost and unfocused
sometimes i think thats where i was meant to be
free to do what i want but at the beckon call of being left behind
unsuccessful and riding this world wind
my worst days about to begin
 i wanna jump rope and take back what i never had but the truth is
its too late

so i sit here in my misery
not really wanting a rescue
i dont know what i want
besides money, cars, and the clothes
a new place on my map to go

and these BITCHES ohhhh these bitches
grazing their presence as if I DONT EXIST
hell has yet to erupt
and you've yet to see me pissed

distracted

if i cant go ONE DAY without thinking about you
does that make me a hopeless case?. .
if every right move you make
sets me straight with enough strength to take on the day
does that  make me hopeless case? . .
if every blissful moment in your life
makes my world an easier place to walk in, my dark sky meets its end, with my heart at your fingers lend;
if that make me a hopeless case. .
dear friend,

i love you ;)

xoxo,

 me<3

happee FEBRUARY! beeyotches

.so, its black history month and all that jazz but most importantly
it is
the month of LOVE.
. CANDIES, DATES, LOVE GIFTS.
.love, love, love love, love
though most are excited, im dreading the day.
these past few years ive been pleasantly surprised but this year.
IDK.
soooooo, to all my bloggers, have a happee holiday with those who mean the most to you.
they're worth it

[=

what is wrong with you??

its so sad that you want me to fail
you want to stereotype me into being the average woman
a bitch??
characteristics of which you've YET to see
disrespectful??
what respect do you deserve?
i damn near hate you
i hate your ways and everything you think you are
man of God my ass
Christianity is my religious background but you wont dare see me PRANCING around claiming
Jesus is my savior, he has my back, i walk in righteousness, when,
im doing wrong and have a lot to get right in my life
Im not here to point out your flaws but dont degrade me when
I AM A PRODUCT OF YOUR PARENTING
I KNOW, who i am and what makes me, & its definitely not YOU
i've learned and observed the world around me for myself
The things you claim to have taught me?, you contradict everyday!
I consider myself well behaved and responsible of my actions
i deal with my flaws, insecurities and problems on my own.
You are not here to hold my hand and i dont expect you to be.
holding others above me who you KNOW have too much going on to be considered better than me
I am so distraught with anger THAT I CANT SEEM TO LET PEOPLE, WHO I REALLY CARE FOR, IN AND HEAL WOUNDS, YOU'VE PUNCTURED YEEAARS AGO.
damaged as a child, trying to grow as an adult, is tough and makes me so rough
that i feel uncomfortable expressing my femininity .
Try as you might i will not let you bring me into your misery, i am stronger than that.
I understand that you hurt. But im not willing to help you.
When you push me away and purposefully dont give a damn, and drag my name through the dirt,. AS FAMILY.??
Fk that.
I dont need you.
Don't feel free to use me.